Owner 1
FaZe Obamaphone Tim Kobelski
4x Tim Kobelski stands as the current measuring stick for COACOWTB greatness, because 65-44, four championships, and a recent three-peat is not an argument you win with vibes. FaZe Obamaphone has been the league’s most important postseason machine, going 9-4 in the playoffs with titles in 2020, 2023, 2024, and 2025. Even when the regular season isn’t completely dominant, Tim’s teams keep finding the route that matters most, which is why the archive basically treats him like the house edge. The funniest part is that the advanced data still says he’s not some perfect drafter or manager every year, which somehow makes the trophy count even ruder.
Owner 2
Underprivpanties Matt Devaney
0x Matt Devaney, AKA "Pimpshrimp", has one of the strongest non-champion resumes in the entire archive, with a 63-46 all-time record, eight playoff appearances, elite 1708 ELO, and the best coaching score in the league data. Dev is almost always relevant, which is why the lack of a title feels louder than it would for a lesser team. He’s stacked up two runner-up finishes, three third-place finishes, and a lot of seasons that prove he belongs near the top, including a brutal 13-1 campaign in 2022 that still didn’t end in a championship. The whole profile screams contender, but the archive also makes it clear that Matt’s resume is currently built on near-misses and pain tolerance.
Owner 3
Bin Laden's Bruisers Jackson Desanto
2x Jackson DeSanto has one of the strangest resumes in the league, because the all-time record is a modest 53-56 but the trophy case says 2 championships and a third-place finish. That contrast is real: his postseason record is an excellent 8-4, which means the Bruisers has been far more dangerous in big spots than in the regular-season standings. He has also stacked up five playoff appearances, a strong 3rd-place coaching score, and a top-half scoring rate of 56.88%, so this is not some total fluke operation. Jackson’s legacy is basically built on title conversion: he may not dominate every season wire to wire, but when the bracket opens, people have learned not to get comfortable.
Owner 4
Mooree Bowerrr Johnny Gribbel
0x Johnny Gribbel has one of the strongest all-around profiles in the league: 58-51 overall, seven playoff appearances, a 0.575 all-play win percentage, top-tier draft value, and a ridiculous 19 high-score seasons on the board. Jgribbs is almost always dangerous, and at its best it looks like the kind of team that should have at least one title by now. The problem is that Johnny’s playoff record sits at just 5-11, which is the giant asterisk hanging over an otherwise elite résumé. He’s been good enough to be feared for years, but the league still remembers him as a contender who never quite turns dominance into confetti, and a yeedog who likes bacon.
Owner 5
Chicken Bing Bing Will Cote
1x Will Cote is one of the league’s more chaotic success stories: only seven seasons in, a 38-45 overall record, but already one title and one of the best playoff records in the league at 5-1. Bing Bing doesn’t dominate the regular season often, but when the bracket opens up, the team has actually shown real killer instinct. His 2021 title run is the whole reason the franchise gets taken seriously, and the data also backs him up as the league’s best drafter by average value. The profile is weird in the best way: not a weekly juggernaut, but absolutely capable of catching fire when it matters.
Owner 6
Tommy Cutlets Tom Tavenner
0x Tavenner has built one of the league’s most debatably respectable resumes: 53-56 overall, six playoff appearances, two runner-up finishes, and one third-place medal. Tommy Cutlets is usually good enough to matter, which is honestly the most frustrating kind of team to be when the title case is still empty. His best seasons, like 2018, 2019, and 2022, show real top-end capability, and his 7-6 playoff record proves he’s not scared of big games. The problem is that the archive keeps remembering him as “always around” instead of “finally did it.”
Owner 7
Fraud Squad Billy Moulton
1x Moulton runs Fraud Squad, one of the league’s strangest legacy cases: a sub .500 all-time manager at 49-60 who still owns a real title and a runner-up finish. His 2019 championship is the ultimate receipts argument, because despite what the ringless say, no one can take away that ring even if the regular-season resume keeps trying to. Bill's teams tend to swing hard between respectable and chaotic, with a huge rebound in 2023 (11-3, runner-up) surrounded by several middling or rough finishes. Fraud Squad feels like a franchise built on just enough real upside to keep everyone arguing about whether Moulton is overrated or exactly as advertised.
Owner 8
Rome Wasn't Built In A Day Drew Fietze
0x Drew Fietze has built one of the league’s more steady middle-to-upper tier resumes, with a 52-57 all-time record, four playoff appearances, and both a runner-up finish and a third-place finish on the shelf. His profile is stronger than the title count suggests: he ranks 3rd in drafting, 4th in coaching, and has put together multiple solid seasons, including a 10-4 year in 2025 and the league’s top finish in the 2022 regular season standings. Fietze usually stays competitive because Drew can assemble real talent and keep his team in the mix over the course of a season. The problem is that the final breakthrough never quite arrives, so his legacy currently reads more “respected contender” than “feared champion.”
Owner 9
Hooperville Joey Prestia
0x Joey Prestia is still one of the newer figures in league history, but his squad has already shown enough flashes to be taken seriously. Across five seasons, he is 26-30 overall with one playoff trip, one third-place finish, and a strong 2025 campaign that ended 9-5 with a 3rd-place finish. The underlying profile is better than the raw record: he ranks 4th in drafting, 4th in coaching, and has already logged 31 achievements with 7 high-score weeks. Right now Hooperville reads like a team with real upside that is still trying to turn promise into a longer, cleaner resume.
Owner 10
Chase Bank Luke Vaccaro
0x Luke Vaccaro runs Chase Bank, a franchise with real staying power, solid in-season management, and just enough competence to stay in the conversation without ever cashing the biggest check. He’s 50-59 all-time with five playoff appearances, which says Chase Bank is usually close enough to matter but not quite dangerous enough to finish the job. The best version of Luke showed up early in 2018 with a 7-6 season that still averaged a huge 127.37 points, and since then he’s hovered around the middle with a mix of 7-7, 6-7, and 6-8 type campaigns. The profile is classic “better than the jokes, worse than the dream,” especially since his manager grade is elite but the trophy case is still empty.
LB
Alumni
L boy (Alumni) L Boy
0x A one-season alumni profile with a surprisingly efficient archive footprint.
RM
Alumni
Riley Moulton (Alumni) Riley Moulton
0x A one-season alumni profile preserved in the archive.
